Surviving & (almost) Thriving: Tips for Single Moms - Part 1
Embracing the journey with my little one
Motherhood is a whirlwind - It’s beautiful and messy, exhausting and so full of love. The mental, physical, and emotional load that goes into motherhood is immeasurable. There are days that feel endless, while the years seem to be slipping by too quickly.
While motherhood is hard, single motherhood is its own separate beast. It’s everything motherhood entails plus significantly more. You’re navigating parenthood alone while being responsible for carrying all the weight of you and your little one’s world. And although it may be heavy and hard, it’s also the most beautiful, rewarding journey I’ve ever been on. Yes, the challenges are infinite, but so are the joys. I look at my life now and wouldn’t have it any other way. As a single mother, I’m creating a safe, loving world for my daughter. Leading by example as best I can to show her that she can have a full and happy life.
In my experience with single motherhood, I’ve had the opportunity to analyze some of the key factors that help me feel most successful. Below is a list of tips that come from my personal journey. It includes what has worked for me and areas that I am still working on and growing in. It is a journey, afterall - and I am far from perfect! I write these tips with love and hope they are able to guide and comfort you on your own journey.
Become Financially Literate
People say that money can’t buy happiness and while I agree on some level, I know that money allows for freedom. It’s an easy equation, more money equals more freedoms.
Financial literacy was not something taught to me growing up. In fact, while living in this country my father lost his company and was about half a million dollars in debt. I was raised by a single mother who worked unbelievably hard to give my brother and I a magical life. Financial literacy - things like investing, credit scores, credit cards, interest rates, mortgages, savings, etc, was not something directly taught. Not from my parents and definitely not in my formal education. As a wife, I’m embarrassed to say that I relied on my former partner to lead in all things finance. I didn’t know enough. I didn’t learn enough. It wasn’t until I became a single mother that I truly began to take a deeper dive into my financial journey.
Some tips to help:
Take a hard look at your finances - understand your income and expenses. Keep track of spending to know where your money is going.
Create a budget - prioritize your needs & savings goals. Ask yourself what areas you can cut back on.
Learn about credit & debit - understand how it works, the impact of interest rates, and how to manage debt.
Start saving - If you don’t yet have a savings account, start small. Open a High Yield Savings Account and add what you can to it - even if it’s something small. Create an emergency fund.
Continuously educate yourself - read books, learn about investing, take free courses, ask those around you who are financially in the know - just keep growing in your financial education. Personally, I have learned so much from Tori Dunlap and the Financial Feminist.(https://herfirst100k.com/)
Plan For the Future
This is an uncomfortable topic - one that brings up so much fear in me. No one wants to think about potentially not being around for their children, but unfortunately unexpected things happen in life. If you are a single parent, it is your responsibility to make sure things are in order to help your child as best you can, even if you are no longer here.
Planning for the future can look like:
Creating a Will & Testament - This is the legal document that outlines how you want your assets and property distributed after death. While your divorce stipulation will most likely include instructions regarding guardianship of the children, you also include this in your will and testament.
Getting a Life Insurance Policy - If possible, get a life insurance policy. This helps secure your child's future financially. It can help cover expenses like childcare, education, eventual home ownership, etc.
Setting up a Trust - A trust is to help your little ones manage your assets and make sure they are used for their benefit. It can provide guidance and financial stability in the future.
Creating something for them - Photobooks, notes, or a journal they can look back on after you’re gone can help them remember and connect. After losing my own father I understand the importance of having things like pictures of us together, cards written by him - I just wish I had more! Personally, I’ve created a little journal that I write in from time to time that talks about the things we are currently doing, how much she has grown, and all the wonderful things we experience together.
Get a Therapist
Being a single parent is full of layers of pressure that, let’s face it, even the most well-intentioned and loving friends are not able to fully grasp. Even if you have friends that are in similar positions, it’s never the same experience. Personally, I think everyone should see a therapist at some point in their life. Therapy gives you a safe, judge-free space to let it all out.
I’m forever grateful for the therapist who got me through my divorce, and forever mad that said therapist retired. Since then, I’ve had my ups and downs finding a new therapist. I’ve gone through periods where I didn’t have one, and times when I tried to make a therapist I wasn’t connected with work. I understand the challenges of finding the right person. After a few tries, I found one that I currently connect with, who pushes me to think deeper, and who is helping me grow.
Therapy is self-care. You owe it to yourself and to your children to take that time for yourself. The truth is, the better you feel, the better you will parent.
Some tips when looking for a therapist:
Call your insurance provider and see what options you have for in-network therapy
Look for free therapy online if going through insurance is not an option. Some places offer free sessions and sessions on a sliding scale. Find something that fits your budget.
Remember that finding the right therapist may take time! Follow your gut, if it’s not working with one therapist tell them directly and ask if they have any they can refer you to.
Get Physically Healthier
Often as single moms we have so much going on that our physical health tends to get pushed wayyyy down the list of things to take care of, yet it is one of the most important.
Go to the Doctor - write a list of all the doctors you may have neglected to see - gyno, mammogram, annual checkup, dermatologist, dentist, etc, and make the appointments. Even if they are two months from now, make the appointment, put it in your calendar, and do everything in your power to go.
Move your body more - There are times I’m great at this, making sure to do yoga multiple times a week and walking outside daily, and times I completely fall behind. When this happens, I notice it and try to incorporate one small physical movement a day. This looks like a walk at lunch while listening to a podcast, bringing my daughter outside for a stroll down the block, or even just some light yoga stretches. If it’s more than this, fantastic! Sometimes starting back up is the hardest part.
Look at your habits - Look over your day to day and analyze how you’re spending your time. Look to shift away from what no longer serves you and your highest good. Perhaps it's doom scrolling, that extra glass of wine, or binge eating chocolate after the kid’s bedtime - whatever it is, ask yourself why you’re participating in the habit and then, challenge yourself to shift away from it and replace it with something better a few times a week. If it’s doom scrolling, give yourself a timer to do so & then when the timer goes off, get off social media. If it’s that extra glass of wine - and listen, I love my wine but mommy wine culture has become the norm & it’s not serving anyone - aim to cut back the amount or replace it with a healthier option. If it’s binging on chocolate - again, something I love and completely understand, see how you can cut back the amount while still getting to enjoy it.
Start a Gratitude Practice
There’s an abundant amount of research on all the benefits there are in having a strong gratitude practice. When things are at their hardest, finding gratitude can feel like a challenge. Start small. Use a journal or the notes app on your phone and write down at least three things you are grateful for. Bonus if it’s more! When doing my own gratitude practice I like to write about big things like I am grateful for my daughter, and little things like I am grateful for my hot morning coffee in my favorite mug.
Another way to incorporate more gratitude in your life is by finding a gratitude buddy. One of my best friends and I started this years ago when I was mid-divorce. We started texting each other a list of our daily gratitudes specific to that day. This practice helped me shift from any negative thinking, pulled me back to the present moment, and made me feel better. To this day, we still text each other our gratefuls and it still shifts me into feeling better!
So there we are, a few of my personal tips for your journey as a single mom. Remember that while single motherhood is undeniably challenging, it’s also filled with strength, resilience, and endless love.. I hope these tips helped you!
Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear from you! What tips would you add?
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